Self-Awareness Vs Self-Sabotage:
The Rise of "Inner Work" Culture.
I remember in 2021 when youtube started dishing out “My Summer Morning Routine” or “What I eat in a day” on my feed. It was like the apocalypse of lifestyle gurus on my impressionable 18-year-old mind.
There were a few similarities I noticed across these lifestyle videos:
Morning exercise routines: gym trips, home workouts, or outdoor runs.
Writing down thoughts, to-do lists, or a daily diary in a journal.
These videos offered a peek into someone else’s day, however curated it was. I suppose my journey of self-development was motivated by what other people were doing and how they were spending their time. Looking back, it probably wasn’t the healthiest motivator, but it served as inspiration nonetheless
Since then, long-form content such as podcasts and talk shows has risen in popularity on YouTube. Andrew Huberman, Jay Shetty, Mel Robbins and the Diary of a CEO are some of my personal favourites. These podcasts continually highlight the inner world of humans, bringing attention to amazing research in health and wellbeing.
The amount of information accessible to anyone with Wi-Fi access is staggering. It has never been so easy to pick up your phone, type in a problem, and find a ridiculous amount of results telling you how to fix it.
As mental health and personal development became more mainstream, the stigma around therapy began to fade. People are no longer only seeking therapy for debilitating mental health issues. They now seek therapy to increase their understanding of themselves and lead happier, healthier lives.
However, can the process of introspection become harmful if not used intentionally?
So…What Is Introspection?
People often find themselves mulling over their thoughts and feelings, trying to explain why:
Why did I act that way?
Why did that make me sad?
Why do I feel like crap today?
Why do I feel so awkward?
Sometimes these thoughts are helpful and sometimes… not so much.
Introspection involves the examination of one’s own mental and emotional processes. The line where introspection meets rumination is easy to miss. Some studies even question whether introspection is more harmful than beneficial for well-being. Here are some you could consider if you’re curious:
The Role of the ‘Outer World’
Introverted people can easily get stuck in their minds. We have a natural inclination to overthink and complicate things. I’m sure most people have experienced a bout of overthinking and if you haven't, I applaud you.
Pretty much anything can trigger overthinking, and it really varies from person to person.
Say your friend says something you disagree with in conversation. You let it slide, but later it gnaws at you. You start deconstructing it. Maybe you question your own beliefs. Before you know it, you’re confused and spending the week questioning your values.
I’m not saying it’s wrong to think critically. But it’s worth noticing how easily reflection can slip into rumination.
Your Environment Affects Your Inner World
Have you ever woken up in a horrible mood and fantasised about curling up in bed all day? Then you manage to drag yourself to work or school and by the time you’re home, you feel better.
Maybe your colleague made a funny joke or maybe you finally tackled some tasks you’ve been procrastinating.
Small external factors can impact your mood and self-dialogue drastically. If you’d stayed in bed all day, the odds of shifting out of that negative state would have been lower.
Sometimes, you really do need a duvet day.
On these days, staying in and resting might be more beneficial to you than going about your usual routine. But don’t withdraw completely. Even stepping outside for 5 minutes to feel the sun on your skin can help. Call a friend to say hello. Let your partner know you’re not feeling great. Little actions pull you out of a spiral.
Life is profound. People, weather, a good cup of coffee. These all have an impact on the course of your day, your week, your life.
When we ruminate, overthink and overanalyse, we shut ourselves away from the world. If we don’t engage with the world, we become trapped within ourselves.
When Is Introspection Helpful?
Counselling and psychotherapy are centred around self-awareness. When life throws curveballs, we must know how to recover.
When done productively, introspection helps:
Make sense of thoughts and emotions.
Identify any harmful behaviours or patterns.
Learn skills to overcome these behaviours and patterns
The problem arises when self-awareness crosses the line into rumination. When your introspection creates more anxiety than insight, it may be time to move forward.
It can be helpful to redirect repetitive thoughts to:
“Well, what can I realistically do about it?”
Easier said than done. Trust me, I know.
Some people, like myself, need time to understand why they are being emotionally reactive to a situation. Particularly conflict with other people.
It’s good to process thoughts and feelings to understand them better. That way you can articulate yourself properly.
Other times, it’s best to bring the problem up as soon as it occurs. So long as you’re not too emotional to have a productive conversation. Whether you need to think it through first, or immediately address it, depends on your personality and how you handle conflict.
An everyday example
Let me paint you a picture.
Joanne finishes dinner with her partner, Luke. She begins bringing plates to the sink, but Luke sits down on the couch.
Thoughts like:
“Why isn’t he helping”
“He doesn’t appreciate what I do”
Or
“does he really love me”
start bubbling in her mind.
Rather than talking it through with him, she pushes it down and continues cleaning. Luke asks Joanne to sit down with him, but in her haze of self-pity she ignores him and continues cleaning.
These thoughts are difficult to tame, but what matters is realising that they may not be true.
The mind plays tricks, creates narratives and twists the truth.
Once you bring these thoughts to light with the person they concern, you may find that they are wildly inaccurate.
Once she speaks up, Joanne might learn Luke does appreciate her, just in a different way. Maybe he leaves notes on the counter. Maybe he brings her snacks from the shop. Maybe his love language isn’t “acts of service”, but “words of affirmation” or “gifts”.
By talking it out, they learn about each other and move forward.
Not Everything Needs a Reason
At the end of the day, all we’re really trying to do is understand ourselves a little better. And that’s a beautiful thing. But it’s worth remembering that not every thought needs dissecting, not every emotion needs a label.
Sometimes just being is enough. Let life move through you, let people surprise you. When the noise in your head gets too loud, step outside, feel the breeze, and come back to the world. It has more to offer than you think.